Houston We have Mobility

How time goes by. Wee Rose is now 5 months and has succeeded in rolling over to her belly from her back.

I was driving home from work yesterday and I was contemplating how much faster time seems to go by now as a working parent then it did just a few years back in college. I'm sure it's do to the fact that I am idle much less now then I was then. I also thought about how it is almost Hubby and I's three year anniversary but yet in many ways I feel our relationship is still in its infancy. Think back to college though and 3 years was one hell of a long relationship. How your perception of things changes as your life changes. It's the same in  what you view as important and what you're willing to sacrifice.

So Sad When Things Change

I decided to switch Wee Rose over to formula today and stop nursing. I made it almost 5 months but we want to start sleep training her in anticipation of our trip up North in a few weeks. In doing so she needs to start eating larger bottles then she currently is during the day. Right now she eats ever 4 hours like clock work, 4 oz. The hope is to shift that to 4 times during the day @ 6oz every 4 hours and then sleeping through the night. Yes yes there are ways I could do this and keep nursing. I'd have to switch to exclusively pumping though and I don't want to do that. I don't think going to formula is that big of a deal though nor do I feel it's very detrimental to her future health. Honestly my main reasons to do it were finances and bonding, that's it. Well we got a nice break on the finances for awhile and we're fully bonded, using a bottle now won't change that.

It still makes me sad though because I didn't make it to the goal I set of 6 months. It probably doesn't help that I've been especially feeling down recently and back to crying again regularly. I know it isn't Post-partum nor is it due to hormones gone wild it's just me generally feeling like there is always something wrong with any action I do or sometimes don't do. Someday I'll hopefully learn to just be happy with the fact that I have a good job, a husband that is happy and 2 beautiful healthy children who couldn't have a care in the world. That's all that is important right?

Overwhelmed

The kids are doing great but I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed. Having 2 young children, working full time while trying maintain a semblance of a decent well run household is wearing me down. I've almost finished implementing a menu planning method that is making things slightly easier. At least I'm no longer having to wonder what dinner is but as a result I'm making better meals (a plus) but they take more prep work and more dishes to clean. I've also started trying to schedule chores through the week to take the load off the weekend. The result seems to be that I'm doing more work because I'm not neglecting as many things anymore. On top of it all work is sucking right now and I'm stressed over a few set backs we've had in getting our debt paid off. I'm sure I'd be handling all of this better if I was getting adequate sleep but the wee rose has only slept through the night once and there has yet to be a repeat performance. Other than that she's a wonderful baby, she's very happy and only occasionally cranky to where nothing will consol her.

I'm just stressed to the max and I see no end in sight. ::le sigh::

Recent Crafts

Yes Yes I've been incredibly quiet. I've gotten a few things done at home though and here are some pictures. The first 2 are things I did awhile back for Lil' R's room.

A Spiderman lightswitch cover for his room.

And a matching wall clock that I made from a $4 Target clock.

 

Shadow boxes that I made for each of the kids. Each has decorations from their baby showers, their coming home outfits and then something else I thought meaningful. Below each shadow box are their hand and foot prints also.

This is the top part of the growth chart that I just completed for them. It's hanging in their bathroom. It was very simple to make. All I did was paint a 1inx4inx6ft board, add markings for the side and then some eye hooks and picture hanger wire at the top to attach it to the wall. I covered up the wire with some white ribbon.

Wee Rose's First Home Photo Shoot

I'm no professional and all I have is a decent Cannon Point and Shoot camera, but I think I sometimes can get pretty decent shots. She's not even a week old in these pictures and I'm happy she co-operated so well with all the outfit changes.

This last one is the picture we used in her birth announcements we sent to all our family and friends. I just love that she's sticking her tongue out.

It's amazing what just a basket, some pieces of fleece and a few desk lamps can do to improve a picture. I also used Picnik for all my post processing. It was crucial to get the proper white balance.

Wee Rose is Here!

So finally I'll show off pictures of Wee Rose's arrival and her birth story.

On July 13th at 6am we arrived at the hospital to be induced. Things took awhile to get rolling and we were both anxious along with fairly bored.  We spent much of the morning watching the news about George Steinbrenner (Owners of the NY Yankees) passing away at the main part of the hospital across the street. The women's hospital wing is separate from the general hospital.

At a bit past 11am my Dr. came in and broke my water. He warned that he had surgeries scheduled all morning but worst case he'd call the office for another Dr. to come by. At this point I was still 2-3cm dilated. Right before 1pm he came to check again because he was about to go into another surgery and I was 5cm. The reason for the induction is how fast my first labor was so he called the office and put them on notice. About 15 minutes later I started having a lot of pressure and let the nurses know. Go figure I was 10 cm at that point. They call the other Dr. to hurry in, he arrives in a rush, we say quick hellos and with only 2 and a half pushes Wee Rose arrived at 1:28pm.  She weighed 8lb 5oz and was 20.5 inches in length. It seems I have a tendency to make Drs have to run. I did it with Lil' R and now again.

We were at the hospital for the 2 days and boy was I bored. I had my laptop so I spent a lot of time surfing the web and watching day time tv. 

Once we were home it's been a mix of loads of things to do and little sleep. I knocked a lot off my to do lists which I'm very proud of. I got almost all the things I wanted done during my maternity leave finished and a few more. I also got to spend some great time with the family. Now I'm back at work though and Hubby is fully on duty at home. He's doing great though, just as I knew he would. 

My plan next is to update on some of the specific things I've accomplished since Wee Rose was born and some of my up coming plans.

Completed Nursery

For eons there I was seeming to be making a hundred things for the nursery. Well I completed it before Wee Rose (we've upgraded from Baby Bean #2) arrived.

Items made in picture: crib bumper, crib skirt, items on mobile, plushie name on wall, stuffed animal hammock, light switch cover.

You can see the curtains to the far right that I made, they are lined with black out material. The glider I recovered is now in this corner. By far one of the best investments we made for her room. I am loving having that in there.

The custom light switch cover from fabric and some liberal use of ModPodge.

I love how Wee Rose's room came out. I wish we'd been able to do as much for Lil' R when he came home but I think we're making up for it in his big boy room. I did a light switch cover in Spiderman for him also but I don't have a picture of it yet.

Overall I'm very proud of what I did. In some things I feel the quality of what I sewed could have been better. In many ways that is because my sewing machine needs to be serviced and is causing me problems right now. I did learn a lot of new things along the way though.

Oh boy how much has happened!

I think for everyone's sanity including mine I'll be making multiple posts in very short succession to encompass all that has occurred since my last update. A quick synopsis is:

• The baby is here
• I already took my maternity leave and am back at work
• Lil' R seems to be adjusting pretty well
• I've knocked a load of things off my to do lists
• I still have a bunch on them though! (but what else is new)
• I've started planning a side business

And I have plenty of pictures of the new little one. So stay tuned in for more detailed posts on what I've been up to. This has reminded me I need to add to my to do list to take some pictures of projects I've recently finished.

Weekend Update

First the surprise shower was great and there were a few true surprises about it. There were a few people there that I had no idea would come and a few I was surprised to not see. The girls even did a small raffle and a few other prizes. We now have some cash for pizza to cover the first night home with Baby Bean #2. We also got to spend some time with a few friends that we don't see nearly enough, the wife being one of the organizers of the shower. I was so happy to have something done.

Other than that the 2 last major things are done for the babies room. I finished the curtains and we finished painting the closet doors. They should be good to be reinstalled today by Hubby. Maybe he'll surprise me and get her room vacuumed too. Now that'd be nice. Then just a few last little details and voila! Yeah, I finally feel ready for her to arrive. Late last evening the nesting bug hit me full force too. I've heard that can come on right before labor happens. I really hope so. I'll be full term tomorrow so we're all ready. :)

Ruining Surprises

Oh my am I a flood of emotions right now. I'm exhausted from the OT I'm putting in at work that is causing me to be up at 6:30 every morning and on top of that I can't seem to get a decent night of quality sleep. I've so been hoping for 1 last good night before Baby Bean #2 arrives, just 1 more please? Is that so much to ask? But that combined with general life stress and the hormones is making my head a mess right now. I feel like I'm on a freakin' roller coaster.

Example is tomorrow is the day of my "surprise" shower. The surprise is now cause only Hubby knows that I figured it out. I think Hubby was a bit too excited over it and that's why he let comments regarding this weekend drop a bit too often. Add on top of that a few odd questions from a friend, along with some overheard comments and I had it figured out (including the day) 3 weeks ago. Though for confirmation it took my hormones taking over. When I asked Hubby the first thing he did was deny anything of course, trying to keep the surprise, and then I started crying cause I thought I'd gotten my hopes up over nothing. He cracked at that point, understandably.

Fast forward to today and I'm a mix of excited & anxious while part of me still thinks it's all a hoax and nothing will happen. I mean if it's a surprise they could just cancel it last minute and I'd never know right? I'm expecting the worst I swear and because that's how I'm thinking I may honestly be surprised tomorrow when whatever they're exactly planning gets pulled off.

Yeah I'm definitely sick of being Pregnant

First off, general update. 36 weeks along now and as of yesterday 2 cm dialated so we're in the home stretch now!

In other news I've officially just become pissed at the world and really have no patience for anything. This is probably the result of lack of sleep coupled with being extremely uncomfortable. My Dr. says my ankles still exist so the swelling isn't That bad, but I beg to differ.

So the morning rant is on "friends" who regularly say sh*t to facebook status updates along the line of "if you need any help just ask" but yet can't respond back to e-mails to have a normal conversation. Yeah, this goes back to that friend I was trying to reconnect with months back. The person who I considered my closest friend for awhile and I was very hurt by the dwindling of that relationship. Months of utter BS have occurred. Early on I made multiple direct offers to invite her to come over, be it with the kids to hang out, for dinner etc. I even said specific days and/or weekends. She lives 5 minutes away too so the drive isn't an issue.

Now we're at a point where I've given up on e-mail conversations because I send one and they go back and forth 2 times or so but always leave off on mine having been the last. 2 weeks ago I recieve one from her! Oh wow! and Irespond right away (which happened to be early in the morning after she sent it) but I've never heard back. The only communication are some quick comments on status updates.

Honestly I thought I was over this but it seems that I'm not. Part of me wants to just blow up in an e-mail going WTF! and lay down exactly how I feel. Another part of me wants to delete her from everything and just move on. I don't know. I've never gone through these emotions really regarding a friendship. It's just driving me batty and I know the damn hormones aren't helping.

Shower Gifts

Last Sunday was my sister-in-laws baby shower. I went off the registry sorta. I made her a few things instead of just purchasing something off the registry. This was for my normal 2 reasons, 1.) she knows I care cause of the effort I put in and 2.) well it costs less. Yeah I know that isn’t always the best reason especially when it’s a gift but hey I’m getting pretty damn good at sewing so I think my gifts rocked!!

So what the hell did I make for her? 2 sets of a Boppy pillow cover with 2 matching burp clothes. I did this in two different patterns of a thin fleece material. I also made a very cute summer dress that is sized for 12 months so my little niece can run around in it next year. I also made matching bloomers to go under it.

They were all a huge hit amongst the other women at the shower and I felt great getting so many compliments on them. The burp clothes should be good and functional too. The fleece is actually sewn around a Gerber pre-fold diaper so the absorbency should be great. If baby bean #2 is prone to spitting up I may make her a few for us. With Lil’ R we used so few of burp clothes that I’m currently not bothering to make us any. For him it was receiving blankets galore, we went through loads of them.

The curse of the "Almost"

Right now I have so many projects at home almost done. I mean by almost is that it would only take 20 minutes to finish but something keeps getting in the way. Once they’re finished I can finally get pictures of everything. Wohoo..

All of this almost stuff makes me to do list horrible. I’m almost done with:

• My sister-in-laws shower gifts. I just need to finish up the bloomers for the dress. I swear it’ll take almost no time tonight.
• The goodie bags for Lil’ R’s birthday on Saturday. We didn’t get enough of a few items to fill them but all are made that can be made. I think we’re only short 4 right now.
• I’m also almost done with all the edging of the paint in baby bean #2’s room. That’s becoming an issue of energy more than anything else really. Once the edging is done I can get Hubby’s help on the main part of the walls.

Side note: I’m thinking once baby bean #2 is here her online nickname will be Ravenette. Still thinking on it though.

• I thought I was done with organizing her clothes and then we were given even more! Now I need to start weeding out things to what we like not just everything we were given. I’ll either try to consign off some of the nicer items or just gift them all to others with their own little one on the way.

I hate this almost stage of things. I just want to be completed with things already. On top of it all I’m not sure if baby bean #2 is going to stay put until at least 39 weeks. I’m 34 weeks now and the Braxton hicks contractions are starting to get a bit too frequent too many days in a row.

Overtime Sucks

I’ve now passed over a week of working extra hours every day. I feel like I’m starting to get in a warm up for the sleepless nights to come in the future. I haven’t been going to bed any earlier at night; I’m just waking up an hour earlier every day. At least the guilt that I’m not pulling my weight in the office is beginning to subside. My boss has now seen a full time sheet with the extra hours and heard I’m coming in at 7am. He doesn’t come in himself until 9am (has to do the carpool for his middle school kids) but he’s prone to stay late and work weekends.

On the home front some things are wonderful, some doing good and some downright stressful.

The wonderful is that Hubby and I are getting each other better than ever I think. It is definitely needed right now and I’m handling many of these stresses much better as a result. I’m really hopeful that I’ll cope with the post-partum much better this time around.

The doing good are the preparations for Baby Bean #2. All items for the crib are finished except for the possible creation of a mobile. I’m still not sure about that. The painting of her room is in progress. The edging needs a second coat of paint and then the hardest stuff will be finished leaving only the main walls, touch up of the trim, and the closet doors. After the painting is done it’s just getting everything in place and hanging the wall decorations. Oh darn, forgot to mention I still need to sew the curtains. But I have the fabric for them already so that’s a start. We’re doing great on things like clothes too. The drawers and closet are organized by size. Everything is clean and ready to go. We have one more set of gifted clothing to receive I think and that’s it. This little girl will be very well dressed. She definitely has more than her brother did. She’s already set until 18 months!

The downright stressful is money. We had a pipe leak last week that involved needing to rip up part of the living room floor. We’ve put in the claim on our insurance but we’ll still have to cover the deductible. In the end I don’t have a clue how much we’ll be out. We’re currently having a battle with our cell phone bill too. We ran over our minutes by an extraordinary amount and I didn’t catch it in time. Now it’s trying to pay down that bill without them terminating our service. I think I can pay on it every month and just call in asking for extensions and we’ll be okay. To speed things up and save money in the long run we’ve signed up for a house phone through Verizon and I’m going to switch our cell phones to pre-paid. I think this could really save us a lot if I plan things right. The home phone will be essentially free for 1 year because of promotions too (thanks to Hubby on working that all out). We’ll be okay as long as nothing else major happens soon. It’s that necessity that worries me the most though. Soon we’ll need to figure out a new stream of income.

But that’s what has been going on with me. I hope to have pictures soon of Baby Bean #2’s room finished and other goodies done.

Until later!

Home/Work Balance, What is that?

You ever feel like either you can be the good employee or you can be a good wife & mother but never both at the same time? Right now I feel like I’m not doing very good at either position right now. At work I feel like I’m the one putting in the least effort. Everyone else in the office is putting in extra hours to get these projects out the door and I’m maybe working maybe 2 or 3 beyond the 40, if that. The pressure to work more and to exceed our deadline is very much there too. We’re trying to establish some new client relationships so we almost want to go above and beyond so we can keep getting more work down the road. And I feel stuck in this no win situation right now. Either I am the great employee putting in the extra effort but neglecting my family as a result or I’m the good wife & mother. As the good wife & mother I’m always fearing that as the least willing employee to put in the extra effort I’ll always be passed up for good bonuses, better raises and my worst fear, being replaced by someone willing to be that good employee.

I don’t know what to do. I see no good way out of this situation, the only thing I can think to do is attempt to build our savings up well and hope that my job really is secure. At the moment extra time in, even an extra hour a day doesn’t seem to be an option without majorly affecting my home responsibilities. This is one of those hide under a rock feelings, that’s for sure.

29 Week Check-Up

So far so good, I saw the Dr today to check on how baby bean #2 was doing. Her heartbeat sounds great, she’s moving around well, my blood pressure and weight is still good. Well the weight is okay in my mind. I’m at 20lbs gained so far which is more than I would like for the total pregnancy but eh it’s still in the healthy range. I just need to watch the late evening snacking on sweets. Once I eat the last of the cookies, no more sweets.

Because I desire to work all the way until delivery if I can the Dr. also told me I need to start taking it really easy and resting A Lot. I don’t know how exactly that is going to work though. I mean my job isn’t physically strenuous in any way. I sit at a desk all day long. What’s tiring is the stuff at home, cooking dinner, helping to chase a toddler, and other generalities. It’s a lot of up and downs that start wearing on me after a bit. I wonder how the Drs orders are going to be pulled off. Right now we’re pretty even on who does what, I do the cooking but Hubby does most of the care of Lil ‘R and we split the cleaning. I’m not on bed rest or anything of the sort but seems I shouldn’t be standing for long, I shouldn’t mop or cleaning like that for the rest of the pregnancy. Hubby does the vacuuming so I’m all good there, but sweeping is normally by duty. I foresee that either my house isn’t going to be as clean as it normally is, I’m not going to listen to the Dr completely, or Hubby is going to be exhausted by the time she does get here because of doing most of the chores.

I’ll keep everyone updated on how that all goes.

Accomplished Weekend

I didn’t get a lick of cleaning done and yet I still feel a bit accomplished over how much we did this past weekend. Friday night I had to run to the grocery store and pick up things for out pot-luck picnic with Hubby’s Daddy group on Saturday. I made both a yummy, very healthy pasta salad (cherry tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes, roasted peppers, olive oil, mozzarella, spices and pasta) and horribly unhealthy marshmallow treat squares. The pasta salad was a huge hit actually, so that will now go officially into the pot luck repertoire. We had a great time though; Ft. Desoto is a very nice beach not too far from us. It was listed as the #1 beach in the country in 2005 I believe. It was Lil’ R’s first time out on nice white sand and waves. Gosh was it windy making the water pretty choppy. Overall we spent about 3 hours out in the sun, I and Hubby ended up getting a bit burned but not Lil’ R. Seems he missed getting the lobster gene, which I am greatly thankful for. Even with applying sunscreen he’s a bit tanner now. That pretty much killed the day, and we were wiped when we got home.

We did learn some things though:

1. The new wagon ROCKS! and was a great asset to have to carry things from the car out to the beach.

2. One large towel would have been enough, save the packing room.

3. Remember to reapply the sunscreen.

4. Work on packing skills, lol.

The rest of the day was pretty much a wash with little constructive getting done, though I did think about starting to pack for our camping trip we leave for on Tuesday. I even printed out the packing list.

Sunday turned out to be a big getting things done day. I grocery shopped and we hit 2 stores getting supplies for the camping trip. Worked lunch and a nap in there somewhere, also got Lil ‘R his first real big boy haircut and Hubby installed 3 of the 4 ceiling fans in the house. The one left to do is the one in baby #2’s room. I don’t think she needs it just yet. Hubby has become a pro at doing the fans though so I’m sure he can have it up in 30 minutes one day after our camping trip. Somehow I irked out at the end of the evening getting most of our stuff packed too. Still some more to do tonight but I at least don’t feel like I’ve done nothing. Tomorrow it will be up to Hubby to finish off the last odds and ends and load the truck.

Mopey

All this stuff going on with thinking about friendships and the shower has me really down. It really sucks when no one is your ‘best friend’ but all of your friends already seem to have that bosom buddy. No matter what I do or how hard I try I don’t think I’ll be likely to change my relationship with someone who already has their “friendship” card pretty full.
That just leaves me in the boat of needed to find some who’s in the same position. I’m hoping to make some type of connection with one of the other mom’s at Hubby’s Daddy group he’s been going to. Tomorrow the group is having a family day out at the beach and I hope it goes well. I need to pick Lil’ R up some sand toys today so he has some of his own to play with. It wouldn’t be good if he was stealing all of the other kid’s toys.

Update NOT So Mopey!
I just talked with my sister-in-law the one person I know who really understands emotionally how I’m doing with all of this. I told her we weren’t planning on doing any baby shin-dig anymore because of both timing, and energy. She offered to send out an e-mail to our invite list for Ronin’s birthday to “put the bug in people’s ears” about Baby #2 and where we are registered. Also she’d say something about Ronin’s bday party being a good time to bring things, and us being too busy to get something together for the next little one and have a 2 year old bday party. It meant a lot to me that someone is willing to do something to ensure that we have the opportunity to get gifts from people. We don’t need much but every penny saved is helpful. I told her really I’d love the most from people is diapers, lol.

The Shower is Drying Up

I think I’ve finally made a decision about the whole baby shower/sprinkle, Baby BBQ, or whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call it. The decision is we’re not doing it. Looking at the calendar the only date that seems feasible is the weekend before Lil’ R’s 2nd birthday party. It can’t go after his birthday because not only is that getting too close to my due date my brother and sister-in-law already have plans. Of all people I would want to ensure they can make it. I go anymore before his birthday and it just isn’t enough notice for people or me.

We threw around the idea of combining it with Lil’ R’s birthday since the invite list would be virtually the same people but then that seemed awkward. Finally, I just realized how much this sucks and that I don’t have the physical, emotional, or financial ability to throw 2 parties only a week apart from each other. It’s not like I was going to throw the shower for the gifts. I need very little for Baby #2, we’re either getting the things we need as hand-me-downs, second-hand stores, or I’m making it. That doesn’t leave much left. I think all we have left is a new monitor, which maybe I can get at a consignment shop, diapers, more onesies, pants, and a few nursing supplies. She could come home today (if she was full term) and we’d make it by.

How did all this thinking result yesterday? Me in tears upset that no one stepped up to offer to throw one for me and Hubby fuming because of how upset I was. Well my sister-in-law says she wishes she could but she’s due 6 weeks after me and had issues of pre-term labor with her first. She’s being very cautious this time around. So I don’t blame her in the least. I’ve gotten 2 other offers to “help,” only 1 non-solicited. Crazy to me that the non-solicited invite to help is from a casual friend we don’t see very often. She has a daughter less than a year older than Ronin and has also given us much of the stuff her daughter has outgrown, including a sling/carrier and an infant car seat. The other was from the friend I was hoping to reconnect with I wrote about awhile ago. That’s a painful situation in and of itself. Yesterday I put up a status message about this (the shower issue) on Facebook, the response I get from her was something like: “wow that’s a quandary, let me know if you need a hand.” I need more than a damn hand, I need a friend who will step up and do the thing friends do and host one for me.
What should I have expected though, no one stepped up the first time around either. We had a baby BBQ that time that we threw ourselves. No matter how often I call, e-mail, or message people to keep in contact everyone else already seems to have full lives. It gets really tiring always being the one initiating contact or the last one to write an e-mail that never gets answered. It makes me want to just stop even trying.

I think instead on that day I was thinking to do the shower I’ll instead repaint her room and just say “hey I need a hand repainting the baby’s room, come on over, I’ll make cupcakes.” I wonder what will happen? Really I think I know what will happen; I’ll be painting it entirely by myself. I wonder too if anyone other than family will visit when she’s born, though I expect Hubby’s bestfriend & his family will and that’s it.

It’s all just really depressing.

Lost Internet

My day to day job that supports our family is that I am an environmental engineer. I work for a consulting firm here in Florida that specializes in creating computer modeling simulations that can answer predictive questions about how water movement will behave for a specific area. Often this is for the purposes of flood control, restoration, public policy or permitting. Though I work for a private company the majority of our clients are municipalities (city or county agencies) and the water management districts (regional water use authorities).
We just started a new project for one of these government agencies that entails me needing to log in remotely to their computers to do the work. Guess what that means? No more internet or other such distractions at work. Being that I’ll be on government computers everything is logged by crazy tight security because everything is public record. I understand the need for this, tax payer’s money and all. I’m presuming that still using MS Word is fine though, being a legit licensed program and all, even if I’m just using it to compose this blog post to put up later. I guess you guys will be hearing a lot more from me as I find something to do other than “work”, lol. Unfortunately, this means that I may be slow on giving others comments, or responding to comments.
I’m sure going to miss having access to my personal e-mail, my google reader, facebook and café mom so much. I’ll probably end up on the computer all night now once I’m home to make up for it.

Accomplishment!

Over the past year we have survived and are now past 3 huge financial hurdles. We bought a house, we've fully paid the medical deductible for baby #2, and I just paid off the purchase of our 2nd car. Our savings have taken a bit of a hit as a result but there is still enough there for a moderate emergency. Now that we are past these those we can turn our focus to increasing it's health as we continue to pay down our debt. (I also paid off 1 entire credit card yesterday, leaving only 1 card left).

How did  I pull off this last bit? The tax return finally arrived. I feel so much better, I don't think even I realized how stressed I was worrying about that money and getting things paid off. We still have a lot of work to do to get where I want us to be but whew... do I feel better now.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

BTW Lil 'R's wagon now has a vinyl seat cushion in it. Found the fabric on uber clearance at Joann's. I still need to take a picture though.

Why Pregnancy and Toddlers don't mix well

I am feeling so much more beat up this pregnancy then I was with Lil 'R. Sometimes I wish I knew how much more I should have taken that pregnancy in being the easiest one I would ever have. Hindsight is always 20/20 though.

So the story is last night we're going to put Lil 'R to bed. He walks up the stairs and as usual runs past his room and into our bedroom. I get him out of our bedroom and he starts going towards his room where Hubby is holding open the gate. I didn't close the gate on the stairs though when we first came up. He bolts past the room towards the area of the stairs, and I bolt after him. Really I think he was heading to the office and never the stairs but I wasn't going to chance it. Unfortunately the result was I tripped and fell on my outstretched right arm hurting my shoulder. Yeah it's still hurting, I must have pulled something a bit. Lil 'R was okay. Hubby scooped him up and got him safely in his room. I also caught my left arm on something and scratched it and got rug burn on my left knee. I feel so beat up today.

I knew this was going to be tougher this time around but boy I didn't really know how much.

The Warmth is Here

This weekend was a gorgeous so on Sunday I decided to let Lil 'R get in his swim trunks and have his first go at playing in his makeshift kiddy pool. Really it's that sandbox we bought but we still haven't gotten the sand for it just yet. In the meantime it still holds water great.

 

Here's some photos of our fun time. He had a blast. :)

 

The Baby Shower Conundrum

I would love to have a baby shower for this little one, be it just a BBQ, a diaper party, or a sprinkle but really I don't want to throw it myself like I had to with Lil 'R.

My bff had offered early on in my pregnancy to throw it but as my due date approached I heard nothing from her. Needing to do something because we were in desperate need of help we just hosted a simple BBQ.

I really don't want to do that again and would almost rather not have one but Hubby desperately wants to have something. I understand why, he thinks she deserves to be celebrated too even if we don't need very much. But I have such mixed feelings about it. It's embarrassing to me that I had to throw my own shower the first time. Here I don't want to be again the pathetic mom who doesn't have anyone willing to host a shower for her.

So okay, besides the pity party route there let's say we have the Baby BBQ at home again like Hubby wants. That means I have to plan everything again, do all the invitations, decorations and any cooking that needs to be done ahead of time. That also means we have to shoulder the entire expense too. Anyone else hear too where this just overall sucks for me?

I don't know what to do. I know Hubby won't let the idea go and us not have one. But I also don't think he gets why I'm anxious about it either. If we do it ourselves again I'll need to start working on it ASAP. Though would it be wrong to just plain out ask friends to volunteer to help?

Hurray for the Weekend

So I finally get a full weekend and really there isn't much to do around here other than the typical house stuff. No all day training for work on Sunday, no birthday parties, no get together (though that wouldn't be horrible), no nothing. Hubby has been working very diligently all morning on the yard trying to get it back into a semblance of decency. I've been on toddler duty the entire time which I have to say is extremely trying. Lil' R seems to just be in a cranky mood today and nothing is working. I finally got him settled with some lunch and some Sprout on TV which is working fine. Afterwards should be nap time.

I feel so unmotivated today. Yesterday I was just so down that I was on the verge of tears constantly and I had no clue as to why. Earlier in the week hubby and I worked somethings out and since then it's been great. He's been being much more patient and listening better. Still some things to work out as there always will be but nothing there was the reason for why I was feeling down. I caught myself trying to find reasons though, manufacturing things really. It's hard to except being depressed with no reason. I just feel so "broken" you could say when it's like that. I mean I have no reason to be down, I still am a bit today but not to the same degree. I hope it passes soon.

Glider Slipcovers

Another project completed! Last night I finished up the arm rests I was making for the glider we got off of Craigslist. So here I present you the completed product. I made the covers for all the cushions, and they are completely removable being closed with Velcro. The chair didn't come with arm rests but I decided to make some after trying to knit sitting in it and the wood getting very uncomfortable after a short time.  

The best part, the entire project was done with stuff in my "stash" so it didn't cost us a penny beyond buying the glider itself.

I love knowing a project is completely done. It's such a great feeling.

Work In Progress: Yellow & Purple Knit Blanket

I've mentioned this blanket I'm working on a few times so I thought I'd share a photo of it while in progress. Unfortunately the flash distorted the colors a bit, it's much more pastel then it appears. This is about 3 weeks worth of work and at the pace I'm going I should be done in about 4-5 weeks. It's super cuddly too. I'm using Lionbrand, homespun yarn.

<<Shush...>> Be very very quiet....

Okay so after a few weeks of good regular posts I've been slacking I know. It really isn't that I've been incredibly busy but that I just haven't been up for sharing. The past week I've been mired in very depressive thoughts. Not the type I am going to entertain but putting them out there for the entire world. I love you guys, my regular visitors, maybe one day. I've gotten many of them worked out in the past day or so and I've laid most of the rest to bed. Hopefully now I can resume with my regularly scheduled programming.

Today was his 2nd trip out with Hubby to the Daddy group he found. They went to this place called Gator Fred's where I met them up for some pizza over lunch. It's a place full of bouncy houses, slides, etc. along with little areas with just toys. Seems Lil 'R was in love with the play kitchens. With us having a little girl on the way an investment in a play kitchen as a bigger unisex toy may not be such a bad idea come the holiday season. Though as to the place, not really sure if it's some place we'll be visiting again anytime soon. I really wasn't that impressed with it. Hubby seems to be really enjoying the Daddy group though which is good news. His best friend is also involved which makes it even better. Now once he he's juggling 2 little ones I hope he'll still be able to manage making it out. I keep hearing from friends that the first year is very tough when they're this close together (2 yrs). I'll just hope for the best.

Updates: Decided not to change the schedule back, that was in itself part of the above mentioned depression. Everything is fine though I have ended up seeing Lil 'R a few days in the mornings because he awoke incredibly early. He's also fighting this never ending cold that has turned his nose into a faucet. He went and visited the Dr. yesterday and it's nothing worse than a common cold. The Dr. said we could give him benedryll to help with the runny nose. That along with the humidifier should alleviate his cough too. We did that last night and though still there I think he's a bit better.

Crafting goes well though has slowed down after a great start. I'm almost done with everything for the glider. All the main slipcovers are done but I'm making armrest paded covers for it. They're all cut out, just need to finish sewing all the little ties and put it together. The knitted blanket is coming along great. I'm over a third of the way done. If I keep to schedule it will be done before she arrives but I expect the need to make other gifts for my sister-in-law may delay it some. I worry if I don't finish it before she's here it won't end up done.

Tata for now

Schedule Woes

I thought things had been going well with the schedule change. I was loving the calmer pace it was encouraging both in the morning and at night. At night especially. I am no longer feeling like I need to walk in the door, give a quick hello and immediately beeline to the kitchen where I'll be in a frazzle to attempt to pull off a decent dinner in 30 minutes.

In the morning, yes it's much quieter because everyone is still asleep but I was able to take my time getting ready. And some days even just sit and watch the news for 5 minutes before I leave. The majority of that time is spent just taking more time to get dressed and put on make up. I'd also begun leaving the house 5+ minutes earlier so I could miss running into the school buses.

By comments though it seems this aspect of the new routine is having a negative impact on the rest of my family. Part of me feels like I'm being incredibly selfish and then another part feels that it's okay for me to have a time at home to just me. Looking back at what I just typed though, that comment is selfish in itself.

From writing this I've talked myself into switching the schedule back to how it was. Things being easier on me isn't worth it if it is having a negative impact on everyone else.

Day 3 of Morning Change

Part of me didn't think the new morning routine would stick. I almost expected that by today Lil' R would be back to sleep around 7pm and I'd be up again with him in the morning. Well so far I'm wrong on that and Hubby seems quite happy with the new routine. He gets to sleep a bit more now too which is another perk. The thing I'm enjoying is I have more time to get ready so my make up is more than just eyeliner and pressed powder. That makes me Feel better knowing that I look more put together. Also, I've been getting into the office a few earlier so I don't feel rushed to immediately jump into work. I can take a few minutes, read a few articles and then jump in.

On Another note, Lil "R's big boy room is ready for the impending switch over. We've decided to wait until this weekend to try it out for the first time. I guess Friday night is the big night. I'm so nervous about the switch. Not only is it a new bed but a whole new room too! I so hope it goes well.

A third note is I found someone who put up a pattern for Boo Boo Bunnies, or Wash Cloth Bunnies. Just make the bunny and add an ice cube in the loop created in the back to put on any boo boo. When my schedule clears up a bit on the creating front these are sure to be on it.

Clock Changes = Schedule Change

With the clock changes we've decided to use it as a way to make a big schedule shift in our household. It's a shift I've sorta wanted for awhile now  but I'm still a bit sad. We didn't try to get Lil' R to go to bed earlier but instead let him stay on his own internal schedule, so now he will be going to bed around 8:30pm and waking up later in the day. Today he slept until 9:30am. In the past he woke up with me or just after me at 7:30ish and I spent the morning getting him breakfast, etc. Sometimes this created a lot of chaos for me but seeing that sleepy face first thing in the morning, who loves to play peek-a-boo with his sheets was wonderful. Now I'll be saying goodbye to his sleeping form and Hubby will be doing all of those things.

The Huge plus though is I'll be having more time in the evening to get dinner on the table. I won't have to walk in the door and rush to immediately starting food. Often still being able to get it on the table before someone gets fussy. It's led to what I see as our quality of food decreasing and my anxiety over cooking increasing 10-fold. Hopefully with my preparation window increasing by approximately an hour I can do more with that time and ease my stress some.

We'll see how tonight goes.

Hat #1 Finished

As planned I finished my first infant baby hat last night, Yippy!! It's a simple one and I may make a more complicated one if time permits. There is this really cute one that looks like a berry. Depending on the gender of my brother and SILs baby, (they're due 6 weeks after me) I may make it for them first as a gift.

Anyway here is a picture of the little hat, and it being modeled on Lil' R's Spiderman toy. He was very gracious to let me use it.

 

 

 

 

 

That means last night I began the baby blanket!! Yippy! I'm so happy to get started on that one, knowing I probably won't have it finished by the time the baby is here. It's going to be my evening project, meaning the one I work on while Hubby and I watch TV and chill at night. I always leave bigger sewing projects for the weekends because I can't do those in our "quite time".

On a different note I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamt that we lost the baby. I even dreamed of seeing her and holding her and she barely fit in my hand. I never had dreams like this with Lil' R but I'm sure it was brought on by the fact that a woman I know through CafeMom recently lost her 2 twins who were born at 22 weeks. I haven't felt her move much today either so I'm trying to stay calm and just work.

Another Great Find!

So through Craigslist I found something else we've been wanting at a great price second hand for exactly what I wanted, a Glider. Found glider with a ottaman (the latter was a must) for only $50.

With Lil' R we didn't get the glider, we didn't have the room at first as we lived in apartments while he was nursing. Hubby has an incredibly comfortable recliner that I used instead. This time around we thought it'd be very inconvenient to have to take the baby downstairs to the recliner again. Thus, I started keeping an eye out for a glider.

It matches the nursery furniture we already have, which is has all been gotten second hand but you'd swear we bought it all together. It's incredibly comfortable, which is a huge plus too.

Gliders new are insanely expensive in my opinion. At Babys 'r Us you generally won't find one for under $200. Many are around $400 and I didn't want to spend more than $50. Luckily for us many people are just trying to get some extra cash in and willing to take a huge cut in the cost to do so. I still feel guilty for getting it though. Oh I love it and am so happy we got it. It's going to get plenty of use and will surely be worth the money. $50 really isn't that much to spend on a splurge either BUT, we're trying to get out of debt right now and to buy it I had to pull money from savings. To buy many of the things we have, I've had to pull from savings recently. The balance is definitely being affected, especially with paying the health insurance deductible for the new baby too.

That raise I just got is keeping us afloat with paying larger amounts on our debt but it isn't enough to change things around quickly. I'm waiting anxiously for our tax return to arrive because besides being enough to buy a 'new' 2nd car for Hubby and the kids, there should be enough left to reduce our credit card debt by a third. We have 2 cards at the moment, it could pay off one of them in full, which is what I plan to do and then attack the other much harder.

I want to say we're done with the 'Extras' but we're not. Before summer comes we need to have ceiling fans installed, including the electrical work, for the 2 children's bedrooms, and put in a fan in our bedroom. I'm slating to have this done in April right now, which is when it'll start getting really warm again. Doing that though is an investment I think because it keeps us from having an insane electric bill because we'll be able to manage with the thermostat set to a higher temperature.

But ugh, does it ever end? At least, does it ever slow down?

The Hunt Has Begun

With having a little girl there are many things we can't reuse such as clothes and decorations. Luckily, most of the infant toys and things like that are pretty gender neutral. We generally have always chosen primary colors over blue dominated for our son.

Last night though we got our first bit of girl clothes from a listing on our local Freecycle group. We ended up with an assortment of sizes of girls clothes from 0-3m to 5T. Even a bunch of Dr. Brown's bottles. We'll definitely be needing more clothes but it's a good start. In all it was a very full tall kitchen garbage bag. We know 2 other people with little girls who are around 2 that may have stuff for us but neither lives too close. 1 is 45 minutes and the other is over an hour and a half away.

See there is the inherit problem in our social life. We Know people with kids it's just that none live very close. 30 + minute drives get old really quick. Also, because of the distance none have become close friends. A guess acquaintances are better than nothing.

The Bunny Lovey is Here!

Over the weekend I finished the Bunny lovey, it came out a lot bigger than I expected so she may not be really using it for quite awhile! Overall the entire thing is probably around a foot long. I do plan to make another one that will be a mix of crochet and fabric. I want it to be similar to the one Lil' R currently has that he loves so much. I haven't started the one yet because I'm currently knitting a simple yellow baby hat for her. I hope to have that done by the end of the week and to beginning working on either the other lovey or on the baby blanket.

FYI: the pattern for this bunny lovey came from the lionbrand website.

In other news we actually got to spend time with other adults on Saturday!! Yes, it's true. We met another couple with a toddler at a 3rd friends place, where they have 2 children, 3 and 1. All the kids got to play together, we had a nice pot luck dinner and once we got the kids asleep (which did take a bit) we watch a very very campy movie, The Live. Oh gosh it was bad, but so funny at the same time. Probably all the more funny because of comments from the peanut gallery. Definitely need to do a repeat of. Real adults, with similar aged children. They exist!! Or should I say, They Live!!

Craftyness Unleashed

Now that we know the gender of the baby it's time to start full tilt on the To Make list. Due to our desired theme and color scheme of the room their are many things I will need to make because I can't find them for reasonable prices in store or online.

Here is the list of what to create and hopefully I'll be posting pictures shortly as I finish each.

1. Wooby (a crocheted lovey toy, it's a bunny head on a blanket)
2. Knit hat
3. Knit blanket
4. Crib skirt
5. Crib bumpers
6. Curtains

The theme of the room is purple and yellow based from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. It's pretty hard to find licensed things from that movie specifically anymore, outside of the Disney Princesses items so I'm going to need to be creative.

The wooby I started last night and I ordered the yarn for the blanket too. That should be here next week.

On another note we found Lil' R a sandbox and picnic table in the paper last night at a steal of a price. Now to just get play sand!

Sonogram Pictures

The scanner was acting up yesterday and after almost an hour I got it to finally be recognized on both computers properly again. So here are some of the sonogram photos from yesterday of our little girl. She's only 20 weeks. :)

Here she in profile with her mouth open.

They even did a few quick 3-D shots for us. Something they didn't do with Lil 'R.

Next time we get more pictures probably won't be until she is born. My Dr. doesn't do extra ultrasounds unless they are needed.

Pink and Purple all the Way!

We learned today that it's a girl! The grandmother's are ecstatic about the news and we're pleased also.  Best yet she looks very healthy, no abnormalities that could be seen on the ultrasound. Unfortunately the scanner was giving Hubby issues so no pictures from the sonogram just yet. They even did a few 3-D ones at the office which surprised me. They didn't do that with Lil 'R.

We already decided on a name also. It only took a few hours! With Lil 'R he was born almost with out one. She's to be named after my maternal grandmother and her middle name will be one Hubby holds very dear. Yippy!!

Anniversaries, Work, Travel, and little Mischief

I've been up to a lot recently and unfortunately the blog has taken a toll because of it. Earlier in the weekend I presented a poster at a conference for the first time in Gainesville, and was away from home overnight, another first. It went really well and I'm very proud of myself, my company and my Hubby for how he held down the fort while I was away. It seems dinner consisted of chicken nuggets, frozen veggies and probably tater tots for him and Lil' R both but I've served the same thing myself before. It was hot so he did a great job. Household work still got done too. Really when I got home it was just like any other evening. No major catastrophes. The only thing crazy was our dog who seems almost had panic attacks with me being gone.

Yesterday was also Hubby and I's 2 year anniversary, or sorta. We were married on the leap year but normally we celebrate it on the 28th. We decided to head out to the local Renaissance Fair. He'd never been and it'd been a few years for me. The weather was wonderful and we had a great time. Lil' R got to ride on his first pony and seemed to enjoy it; until, he got bored. He also fell asleep in his stroller!! So, we got to spend longer than we expected.

So much happened it seems over the weekend, there is so much to share and tomorrow is the "big" sonogram where we learn the gender of the baby. :)

Pregnancy Fears - Gender

Today I'm now 18 weeks along with this baby. In 2 weeks I have my ultrasound to find out the gender and I'm getting more and more nervous.

Everyone is rooting for a girl, very very strongly. I've always said I hoped this one was a girl but I've started to prepare myself for all the positives if it is a boy.

• Lil "R will have a baby brother
• We won't have to buy many things
• I'll be able to come home to "my guys" every day
• I already know how boys work a bit, no changing gears

No matter what I know I'll love the baby. I was hoping Lil 'R was a girl too though I didn't realize it until I was told he was a boy. I barely remember that desire. Right now I worry more over the disappointment of everyone else who is rooting for a girl. Not a single person who has said their guess to the gender has said boy. Not one. I worry that I feel that if it's a boy I'll be letting everyone down. Hubby so wants a girl too. I mean he wants one badly. I know that I don't even play a part in determining the gender but somehow I still feel it is my responsibility.

Maybe I'm just now looking for ways to stress myself out. Ugh.

Good News on the Work Front

At the end of last year I finally completed my Master's Degree in Environmental Engineering that I had been working on for 4 years. Yeah, it took me a bit longer with having a child in the middle of it and working full time but I'm none now.

As a result of that I have gotten a raise at work, and no piddly one either but a 12% annual increase! It's enough to give us some breathing room as we work on paying off our debt. It also eleviates my fears about being able to afford insurance, gas, maintenance, etc. on a second car we're planning to get with our tax return.

Even with that good news for some reason I still had a nightmare last night worrying about money. Bad enough of one that I couldn't fall back asleep for quite awhile. I know this raise isn't enough to immediately fix all our financial woes, that is still going to take dedication and time, but it will really really help. I'm hoping that by the end of the year we'll be a much better place in that regard. I know of one debt, the hospital bill from Lil' R's birth we'll be done with in September. That'll free up more to pay towards the credit cards. After the credit cards will be getting rid of the student loans and once we're done with that I guess we'll move onto the mortgage.

With this extra money per paycheck I need to evaluate how much can be allotted towards our debt. First though are a few outstanding medical bills that need to be caught up on. Like an ER visit with the baby last December. Ugh, it's always something isn't it?

Homemade Accomplishments

I've been working on my homemade pizza recipe for a couple of months now. Last Saturday night, I made a pizza I was particularly fond of. So much so that I had to share it. 

Voila!

I think it was gorgeous looking, crust completely from scratch too. I found out that using my bread machine to make the dough really improves the outcome. I don't have anything fancy, just an old Breadman I got from a thrift store for $5. I can't even find the original instructions manual online, though I've found ones for similar newer models. From those I sort winged it on how the settings work and seems I've gotten it right.

I'm still working on getting the dough just right, I tend to make it too thin and if I bake two pizzas at once the top one doesn't get a nice crisp crust on the bottom. It doesn't brown right. Maybe I need to try a pizza stone. Umm... until next time.

Family Woes

One thing I have yet to bring up are some ongoing major family problems. Last September my Grandmother who is 88 fell while in her home.

She's quiet capable though, or was, and had been living alone for many years. She'd injured her knee in 2008 and though it gave her trouble she was still very independent. Family assisted in helping her with errands like the grocery store could be a bit tough on her. Overall though she was very capable. Until the fall. No one knows how it happened or even the cause. She fell in her garage and it appeared that she hit her head hard on her car. She possibly was there a few hours too before my uncle P found her. At the hospital they could never find a cause neurologically or physically, no stroke, etc. Her memory was shot though. She wasn't remembering anyone really or was confusing people. After a week or so she was moved to a rehabilitation center where her memory was improving but she was continuing to have paranoid feelings. I've been told that she definitely was a changed person. There was hope though because her memory was coming back and the neurologist had hope she would fully recover in time. Then the crazy sh*t happened.

I get a call that my uncle H and aunt K, had flown in from California and Canada respectively and had checked my grandmother out of the rehab center. They had taken her to her home and weren't letting anyone really see her for any length of time, at first. Shortly, they stopped letting anyone see her. My uncle H took her back to his home in California and we haven't heard from her since. That was in November.

As can be easily guessed at, there is money involved in all of this. When by grandfather passed away in 1981 he left a large amount of money behind. A trust was formed that is now worth a sizable amount of money, the intention of that trust is to support my Grandmother while she lives and when she passes to be liquidated then distributed to her children. She also has a large amount of personal income.

Before she was taken to CA she demanded my uncle P step down as trustee of the trust and give it over to my uncle h. He refused and she disowned him. She also signed a trespassing warrant against my father when he came to visit her one time before she was taken. Then on Christmas Eve my uncle P was served with a lawsuit. My grandmother had gifted him, my dad and my brother sizeable amounts of money. For my brother and uncle P it was to help buy new homes, nothing insanely lavish but still sizeable amounts. I don't doubt they were gifts though I still find the amounts staggering. Many of our money issues would have been solved at a fraction of those amounts but I've on principle refused to ask for any financial help beyond what has been offered to me. I'm a bit proud you could say. Especially in regards to money and taking care of myself.

A few weeks back another lawsuit came through to get my uncle p removed as trustee. Yesterday was an emergency hearing over it. Looks like things may finally get moving in a positive direction now. All the information was brought before a judge on what my uncle h has done, most of which his lawyer had no clue about. He wasn't present at the court, just his lawyer. So his lawyer was made to look like a fool. The family had already tried to get DCF involved in CA to do a wellness check on my grandmother but had been refused admittance. My uncle p also proved that at the time of her fall and being in rehab the bank statements on her account, disproving my uncle h's allegations that she had been left with no money. That account had held 2 years worth of income for me. Now the court's are going to look into my uncle h and that he may have misappropriated funds himself. Also the court wishes to appoint her a guardian so she will have to appear. Though, everyone will go to CA to her.

It's a huge fiasco and I worry about her so much. I gets me so badly at times because our relationship had been on the rocks for a year or so's time over my quick marriage to my husband. We were just starting to get things back when she fell too, like the first blossoming was happening.

I've been putting off writing to her because no one else has succeeded, but I've realized I at least have to try. And maybe their is the chance mine won't be returned because I'm not in the lawsuit. I won't say much, I expect if I saw anything too important or pertaining to what is going on she's less likely to ever see it. I just need to let her know we miss her.

Busy Busy

Slammed at work right now so I haven't gotten things written like I want. So quick update, saw the Dr. and the baby sounds good and I've only gained 2 lbs, wohoo! In 4 weeks we find out the gender, I'm very anxious. Trying to keep up with everyone else's blogs and put up comments when I can. Need to be very productive today, so back to work.

Damn you Hormones

Probably the thing I hate most about being pregnant and the time after is the negative affect the increased hormones have on me. I've been fighting depression anyway since I was about 14 and now I've seen it escalate to extreme levels I've never experienced before. I hate how sensitive I am and I hate how easily upset I get. Hubby and I are trying to work on it but each of our natural ways of reacting seems to be the wrong thing when it comes to the other.  A simple example is that I begin to tear up, he stops saying things to me because he thinks it'll make me more upset he's explained where I interrupt this as rejection of my feelings and an unwillingness to work things out. Hence; I get even more upset, he pulls away more and I end up in a very very dark place.

Now that I'm finally, after many years, getting a smallest idea of why he reacts some of the ways he does it helps a smidgen. So I spent a bit of the morning Googling information on couples and communication. I learned some about how men and women communicate differently. How men tend to read between the lines in regards to social standing where women read between the lines on a more empathetic approach. It made a lot of sense to me because I see that often in misunderstandings. I feel I'm not really being listened to where he feels that I'm belittling his accomplishments or contributions.

The hormones just make it all the worse and I can't wait until I'm threw with them. Oh yah that may not be for 2 more years. I went through post-partum with my son for 18 months. Damn this is going to suck.

Juggling Different Financial Quirks

I said a few days ago I'd talk about what things we'd tried in our family, along with what had worked and what hadn't. Coincidentally, Hubby and I are in the midst of trying something new.

To give background info, I've said before that Hubby is a Stay at Home Dad and I work full time. So all money is joint, no his and no mine. I'm in charge of our finances though, I have the better credit and already had a checking account, credit cards, investments etc. where he came into our relationship in the midst of trying to get back on his feet from a difficult financial and emotional situation. So we've started our financial journey entirely on my items and just added him to things.

This worked great for household bills, groceries and family expenses but personal expenses have always been a problem. Budgets haven't solved the problem and though I'm organized enough to keep up with check registries, I'm not organized enough to make weekly reports. We've tried Mint.com but that's led to me just watching us break our budgets over and over again. Why we keep doing that is I have a problem saying No. So we have a new plan.

Within the next few days Hubby is going to get an ING Direct checking account opened up in his name. I may do the same but I may wait a little I'm unsure. Every paycheck I'll deposit money into his account and he can do whatever he wants with it. He'll also link it to his Paypal account where he can continue to sell his items he wishes to on Ebay. I'll let it be at his discretion for adding funds back into the main household account.

He's onboard and I think it could be a great idea, giving him independence financially that he hasn't really had. If the budget looks good in a month or two then maybe I'll do it for myself also so that I have money I can myself spend.

Next step: Creating a finance plan to tackle our debt.

Reconnecting and Letting Go

Well I first planned to write today about my drive into work but then through my wall on Facebook I got reminded of an old group of now acquaintances and the hurt I have over that falling out.

2 1/2 years back I had a complete rethinking about my life. I'd gotten my first real job and that had begun to make me look at my life in a whole new way. The immediate results including my ending a 4 year relationship with someone I thought was never going to grow up and take on responsibilities, and a religious self awakening that I'm an atheist but I have kept striving for religion for the sole reason of having a community. This group of now mostly acquaintances and lost friendships falls into that later. I never planned to walk completely away from the group, that met up weekly socially, but shortly after I left my Ex I met my current husband and we found out I was pregnant. Full-time job, new relationship, baby on the way made things like meeting up socially once a week something a) something there wasn't much time nor energy for and b) something that we couldn't afford either. I went back out again while pregnant and was confronted with such a cold reaction that I never even tried to go back. The thing that hurts most is no one ever tried to contact me.

I've now come to realize that my old friends, 99% of them, were just friends of activities. Once my family started and I could no longer go to parties, or bars, etc. I no longer existed. Even ones who have families, and no babysitter available, are so busy with events that unless we participate in them also there is never time to see us. For awhile I called specific people just to talk, IMed them, or e-mailed them. I tried to keep the communication open but after a time I realized I never got a response from them directly unless it related to an event. That really hurts when no one ever calls just to see how you're doing. They say they'll always be there for you if you need it but how can you trust that when you seem to be of so little importance in their life. I've never taken any of them up on their offers, the sh*t has hit the fan and I handled it every time on my own. I need to learn to stop longing over these lost friendships because all it does is cause me pain and them nothing. It's hard though.

I currently have a friend, someone who I was very close to at a point, that I'm trying to reconnect with. I had originally distanced myself because I felt a shift in our relationship and an extreme discomfort being around her significant others. It like so many others got to the point where I felt I was doing all the "hey how are you doing calls," and invites to special events. Guess what, I stopped making the initial calls and we stopped speaking. She's now decided to change her life, leave her significant others, and find herself. Upon finding out, I immediately reached out and even expressed my sorrow over the distance that had grown between us. Now it hangs though with my having sent the last communication yesterday, (we were exchanging e-mails while at work) with no reply. I know she has another confidant to talk to right now but I miss having a close friend so much. I miss having her as a friend specifically. My husband is great but one person can't be everything, nor should someone expect that. I need someone else in my life I can really talk to honestly about anything. I hope she contacts me back, or maybe I'll send her another message later.

When Toddlers Learn to Escape

Lil 'R is getting cleverer. He's on 1 occasion climbed out of his crib and yesterday he got over the small wooden baby gate at his room. A taller baby gate was promptly purchased at the consignment shop for a greatly reduced price and problem solved. I even picked up a bed rail to go on the big boy bed we got him a few weeks back.

Ugh, all these extra expenses are killing me but at least I learned that I should be getting a raise shortly. Using that as an idea I'll do my next post as a break down of how our family tries to structure our finances.

A large highlight recently was on Saturday Lil 'R got to attend is cousin's 2nd birthday and had a chance to play with many children near his age. He was the youngest of all the mobile children there. He seemed to love being around the other kids and even tried to give his cousin a hug, a first there. Of course the hug planted them both in the dirt, definitely a priceless moment. I was just so happy to see Lil 'R so excited. He had so much fun he passed out in the car on the ride home he was so worn out.

Worries lead to plans lead to outcomes?

So far I've only used this blog for simple musings and not as a daily outlet. I'd like to change that and hopefully now that I have a desktop again at home, thanks to my wonderful hubby for scrounging one together for me for Christmas I may be better equipped to. Up unto this point and currently I've been blogging only from my office which is one of the reason for the sporadic updates. I previously only had a laptop at home which was sorely feeling it's age along with missing it's "K" key thanks to Lil' R. My intention with this blog has never been to make money off of it but more as a way to talk about what's going on and hopefully make a few friends while doing it.

I've actually had the beginning of this blog as a draft for 2 weeks due to work 'getting' in the way. Maybe I'm being too ambitious and intimidating myself out of writing. So first we make a new goal. To write at least every other day even if it's only a paragraph. I'm a very habit based person and this needs to be treated like creating a new habit. If after a month it's going strong then we'll start working on better content. Until then you have to suffer. Be back soon I swear!