Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I just got hit upside the head with an incredible feeling of loneliness. The lack of real friends to talk to or spend time with is bringing me down. I’m kidding myself with these online groups like I really am apart of them. Like the newer Facebook group. I keep seeing the other moms get closer and closer because they have the time to comment back and forth with each other repeatedly through the day. I know I’m part of the group and I get comments, I also comment to others but I’m not making any best friends there. The working moms group on CafeMom? Yeah I’ve stopped visiting it after once again another judgmental thread on single income families. I know I can’t say a thing either because it’ll be hit back with comments about putting on my “big girl panties” etc etc. I hate this trend of the current generations about “so I’m a bitch/asshole but I say it like it is/as I see it and I don’t give a crap if it’s mean.” No you’re just a bitch/asshole because you could say the same thing to someone in a more considerate way you’re just too self absorbed to take to time to think of the other person’s feelings before you say it. Sometimes I feel like that attitude is everywhere and I’m the odd man out. Actually at the moment I feel like the odd man out of anything. Other than a family member when was the last time someone called me to just talk? Someone messaged me? E-mailed me? My only friend seems to be my sister-in-law who I know doesn’t see things the same way, she has plenty of friends. I know a lot of it is my own doing. I’m not available to people to do things outside the house, either because of time or money. It makes me forgettable now. I long for that quintessential BFF who I can talk to about anything. Also is someone who values my friendship the same way I do theirs. With the only 2 women I consider friends I ever talk to I know that as the hierarchy goes in their lives I’m not at the top. I’m lucky if I’m in the top 5, where they are all that I have. I once had that friend, the BFF who I could talk to about anything. I'm realizing now is how much I really miss her. There stopped seeming to be time in her life for me and she just stopped calling. Eventually my calls to her seemed to be more of a hindrance then anything and I just one day stopped calling her. She never called me back. We're on Facebook with each other now and make comments back and forth. Is it worth writing her? (FYI this isn't the same friend whose friendship I tried to salvage a while back. She is one of the aforementioned 2 people and I've come to grips with that to a degree. We're friends we just aren't that close, never were and never will be.)

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those bitch types. For some reason they seem to never be lacking in friendships. I don’t get it, I really don’t.

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