Family Woes

One thing I have yet to bring up are some ongoing major family problems. Last September my Grandmother who is 88 fell while in her home.

She's quiet capable though, or was, and had been living alone for many years. She'd injured her knee in 2008 and though it gave her trouble she was still very independent. Family assisted in helping her with errands like the grocery store could be a bit tough on her. Overall though she was very capable. Until the fall. No one knows how it happened or even the cause. She fell in her garage and it appeared that she hit her head hard on her car. She possibly was there a few hours too before my uncle P found her. At the hospital they could never find a cause neurologically or physically, no stroke, etc. Her memory was shot though. She wasn't remembering anyone really or was confusing people. After a week or so she was moved to a rehabilitation center where her memory was improving but she was continuing to have paranoid feelings. I've been told that she definitely was a changed person. There was hope though because her memory was coming back and the neurologist had hope she would fully recover in time. Then the crazy sh*t happened.

I get a call that my uncle H and aunt K, had flown in from California and Canada respectively and had checked my grandmother out of the rehab center. They had taken her to her home and weren't letting anyone really see her for any length of time, at first. Shortly, they stopped letting anyone see her. My uncle H took her back to his home in California and we haven't heard from her since. That was in November.

As can be easily guessed at, there is money involved in all of this. When by grandfather passed away in 1981 he left a large amount of money behind. A trust was formed that is now worth a sizable amount of money, the intention of that trust is to support my Grandmother while she lives and when she passes to be liquidated then distributed to her children. She also has a large amount of personal income.

Before she was taken to CA she demanded my uncle P step down as trustee of the trust and give it over to my uncle h. He refused and she disowned him. She also signed a trespassing warrant against my father when he came to visit her one time before she was taken. Then on Christmas Eve my uncle P was served with a lawsuit. My grandmother had gifted him, my dad and my brother sizeable amounts of money. For my brother and uncle P it was to help buy new homes, nothing insanely lavish but still sizeable amounts. I don't doubt they were gifts though I still find the amounts staggering. Many of our money issues would have been solved at a fraction of those amounts but I've on principle refused to ask for any financial help beyond what has been offered to me. I'm a bit proud you could say. Especially in regards to money and taking care of myself.

A few weeks back another lawsuit came through to get my uncle p removed as trustee. Yesterday was an emergency hearing over it. Looks like things may finally get moving in a positive direction now. All the information was brought before a judge on what my uncle h has done, most of which his lawyer had no clue about. He wasn't present at the court, just his lawyer. So his lawyer was made to look like a fool. The family had already tried to get DCF involved in CA to do a wellness check on my grandmother but had been refused admittance. My uncle p also proved that at the time of her fall and being in rehab the bank statements on her account, disproving my uncle h's allegations that she had been left with no money. That account had held 2 years worth of income for me. Now the court's are going to look into my uncle h and that he may have misappropriated funds himself. Also the court wishes to appoint her a guardian so she will have to appear. Though, everyone will go to CA to her.

It's a huge fiasco and I worry about her so much. I gets me so badly at times because our relationship had been on the rocks for a year or so's time over my quick marriage to my husband. We were just starting to get things back when she fell too, like the first blossoming was happening.

I've been putting off writing to her because no one else has succeeded, but I've realized I at least have to try. And maybe their is the chance mine won't be returned because I'm not in the lawsuit. I won't say much, I expect if I saw anything too important or pertaining to what is going on she's less likely to ever see it. I just need to let her know we miss her.

Busy Busy

Slammed at work right now so I haven't gotten things written like I want. So quick update, saw the Dr. and the baby sounds good and I've only gained 2 lbs, wohoo! In 4 weeks we find out the gender, I'm very anxious. Trying to keep up with everyone else's blogs and put up comments when I can. Need to be very productive today, so back to work.

Damn you Hormones

Probably the thing I hate most about being pregnant and the time after is the negative affect the increased hormones have on me. I've been fighting depression anyway since I was about 14 and now I've seen it escalate to extreme levels I've never experienced before. I hate how sensitive I am and I hate how easily upset I get. Hubby and I are trying to work on it but each of our natural ways of reacting seems to be the wrong thing when it comes to the other.  A simple example is that I begin to tear up, he stops saying things to me because he thinks it'll make me more upset he's explained where I interrupt this as rejection of my feelings and an unwillingness to work things out. Hence; I get even more upset, he pulls away more and I end up in a very very dark place.

Now that I'm finally, after many years, getting a smallest idea of why he reacts some of the ways he does it helps a smidgen. So I spent a bit of the morning Googling information on couples and communication. I learned some about how men and women communicate differently. How men tend to read between the lines in regards to social standing where women read between the lines on a more empathetic approach. It made a lot of sense to me because I see that often in misunderstandings. I feel I'm not really being listened to where he feels that I'm belittling his accomplishments or contributions.

The hormones just make it all the worse and I can't wait until I'm threw with them. Oh yah that may not be for 2 more years. I went through post-partum with my son for 18 months. Damn this is going to suck.

Juggling Different Financial Quirks

I said a few days ago I'd talk about what things we'd tried in our family, along with what had worked and what hadn't. Coincidentally, Hubby and I are in the midst of trying something new.

To give background info, I've said before that Hubby is a Stay at Home Dad and I work full time. So all money is joint, no his and no mine. I'm in charge of our finances though, I have the better credit and already had a checking account, credit cards, investments etc. where he came into our relationship in the midst of trying to get back on his feet from a difficult financial and emotional situation. So we've started our financial journey entirely on my items and just added him to things.

This worked great for household bills, groceries and family expenses but personal expenses have always been a problem. Budgets haven't solved the problem and though I'm organized enough to keep up with check registries, I'm not organized enough to make weekly reports. We've tried Mint.com but that's led to me just watching us break our budgets over and over again. Why we keep doing that is I have a problem saying No. So we have a new plan.

Within the next few days Hubby is going to get an ING Direct checking account opened up in his name. I may do the same but I may wait a little I'm unsure. Every paycheck I'll deposit money into his account and he can do whatever he wants with it. He'll also link it to his Paypal account where he can continue to sell his items he wishes to on Ebay. I'll let it be at his discretion for adding funds back into the main household account.

He's onboard and I think it could be a great idea, giving him independence financially that he hasn't really had. If the budget looks good in a month or two then maybe I'll do it for myself also so that I have money I can myself spend.

Next step: Creating a finance plan to tackle our debt.

Reconnecting and Letting Go

Well I first planned to write today about my drive into work but then through my wall on Facebook I got reminded of an old group of now acquaintances and the hurt I have over that falling out.

2 1/2 years back I had a complete rethinking about my life. I'd gotten my first real job and that had begun to make me look at my life in a whole new way. The immediate results including my ending a 4 year relationship with someone I thought was never going to grow up and take on responsibilities, and a religious self awakening that I'm an atheist but I have kept striving for religion for the sole reason of having a community. This group of now mostly acquaintances and lost friendships falls into that later. I never planned to walk completely away from the group, that met up weekly socially, but shortly after I left my Ex I met my current husband and we found out I was pregnant. Full-time job, new relationship, baby on the way made things like meeting up socially once a week something a) something there wasn't much time nor energy for and b) something that we couldn't afford either. I went back out again while pregnant and was confronted with such a cold reaction that I never even tried to go back. The thing that hurts most is no one ever tried to contact me.

I've now come to realize that my old friends, 99% of them, were just friends of activities. Once my family started and I could no longer go to parties, or bars, etc. I no longer existed. Even ones who have families, and no babysitter available, are so busy with events that unless we participate in them also there is never time to see us. For awhile I called specific people just to talk, IMed them, or e-mailed them. I tried to keep the communication open but after a time I realized I never got a response from them directly unless it related to an event. That really hurts when no one ever calls just to see how you're doing. They say they'll always be there for you if you need it but how can you trust that when you seem to be of so little importance in their life. I've never taken any of them up on their offers, the sh*t has hit the fan and I handled it every time on my own. I need to learn to stop longing over these lost friendships because all it does is cause me pain and them nothing. It's hard though.

I currently have a friend, someone who I was very close to at a point, that I'm trying to reconnect with. I had originally distanced myself because I felt a shift in our relationship and an extreme discomfort being around her significant others. It like so many others got to the point where I felt I was doing all the "hey how are you doing calls," and invites to special events. Guess what, I stopped making the initial calls and we stopped speaking. She's now decided to change her life, leave her significant others, and find herself. Upon finding out, I immediately reached out and even expressed my sorrow over the distance that had grown between us. Now it hangs though with my having sent the last communication yesterday, (we were exchanging e-mails while at work) with no reply. I know she has another confidant to talk to right now but I miss having a close friend so much. I miss having her as a friend specifically. My husband is great but one person can't be everything, nor should someone expect that. I need someone else in my life I can really talk to honestly about anything. I hope she contacts me back, or maybe I'll send her another message later.

When Toddlers Learn to Escape

Lil 'R is getting cleverer. He's on 1 occasion climbed out of his crib and yesterday he got over the small wooden baby gate at his room. A taller baby gate was promptly purchased at the consignment shop for a greatly reduced price and problem solved. I even picked up a bed rail to go on the big boy bed we got him a few weeks back.

Ugh, all these extra expenses are killing me but at least I learned that I should be getting a raise shortly. Using that as an idea I'll do my next post as a break down of how our family tries to structure our finances.

A large highlight recently was on Saturday Lil 'R got to attend is cousin's 2nd birthday and had a chance to play with many children near his age. He was the youngest of all the mobile children there. He seemed to love being around the other kids and even tried to give his cousin a hug, a first there. Of course the hug planted them both in the dirt, definitely a priceless moment. I was just so happy to see Lil 'R so excited. He had so much fun he passed out in the car on the ride home he was so worn out.

Worries lead to plans lead to outcomes?

So far I've only used this blog for simple musings and not as a daily outlet. I'd like to change that and hopefully now that I have a desktop again at home, thanks to my wonderful hubby for scrounging one together for me for Christmas I may be better equipped to. Up unto this point and currently I've been blogging only from my office which is one of the reason for the sporadic updates. I previously only had a laptop at home which was sorely feeling it's age along with missing it's "K" key thanks to Lil' R. My intention with this blog has never been to make money off of it but more as a way to talk about what's going on and hopefully make a few friends while doing it.

I've actually had the beginning of this blog as a draft for 2 weeks due to work 'getting' in the way. Maybe I'm being too ambitious and intimidating myself out of writing. So first we make a new goal. To write at least every other day even if it's only a paragraph. I'm a very habit based person and this needs to be treated like creating a new habit. If after a month it's going strong then we'll start working on better content. Until then you have to suffer. Be back soon I swear!